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Going back in time
Published: October 25, 2004
I have just completed possibly the finest and most beautiful game I have ever played on a PC. The game is enormous and seems to last forever. The looks are stunning with small shrubs gently swaying in the breeze and birds of paradise gliding overhead in a unnaturally
(for a computer anyway) natural way. Even the enemy are intelligent as they determine your location and come at you from all angles using
all manner of high-tech weapons.
The game is FarCry an I urge everyone with a monstrous PC and an internal DVD drive to play it.
After such an epic, I returned to reality and remembered I hadn't long ago had a birthday and there was this little yellow book I got with a very sepia styled front. The name was Shite's Unoriginal Miscellany. Sounded cheeky so I thought I'd have a flick through.
I have to say that never have I enjoyed a book so much as this. It's not even a book for the lads. It's a book for anyone and I guarantee it will make even the most serious of you laugh at it's pointlessness.
Stuff that makes you wonder, why?
Some questions that should be answered:- What if they were no hypothetical questions?
- Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
- If Barbie is so poular, why do we have to buy her friends?
- How deep would the ocean be without sponges?
- Why does Christmas come when the shops are so busy?
- Is French kissing just kissing in France?
- What was the best thing before sliced bread?
- Spudget
- Bombardier (= pomme de terre)
- Powder Potty (USA)
- Pol Pot-8-Eau (Kampuchea, 1976-9)
- Drypot
- Pot-'n'-Tate
- Wundaspud
- Pomme-POM! (France)
- Instamashic
- 'I find it difficult to believe that this is not real mashed potato' (Unlanched)
- Mash-een (Eire)
- Canada
- Finland
- England
- USA
- Belgium
- The Low Countries
- New Zealand
Seriously important things to know:
Ways to end a romance:- Send a 'Dear John' letter to yourself
- Have a sex change operation
- Put on three stone (female)
- Refuse to believe he isn't gay
- Become a prostitute
- Write yourself a letter from the local STD unit requesting a test
- Send your partners photo to an S&M dating service
- 20mg/100ml: Feeling of slight wooziness; not unpleasant
- 40mg/100ml: Could drive dangerously if too fast
- 60mg/100ml: Driving would now be wreckless
- 80mg/100ml: Coordination may have disappeared; reckless driving at any speed
- 80mg/100ml: (drink drive limit - crazy isn't it)
- 100mg/100ml: Loss of sexual control; may knock over drinks (even your own)
- 160mg/100ml: May become aggressive; may not remember later what you did under the influence
- 300mg/100ml: Could be spontaneously incontinent and/or slip into a coma
- 500mg/100ml: Could die without medical attention
That's me for today. I'm off to locate a nearby chiropracter to sort my lower back out. I might have overdone it in the gym recently and it's giving me real grief. Later...